Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night. It was a real stroke of luck to be sure, A priest, a rabbi and a leprechaun walk into a bar. St. Patricks Day Jokes The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. Cork is full of many things and can be one of Irelands premier spots for. Wheres my husband? Well there is a river just down there. What is Irish diplomacy? My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. Well you caught me lassie! Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. A: Sham-rock and roll. You see, were normally a three-man team. the BLARNEY stone! He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink. ", The American goes, "Alright, for my final wish, I wanna big dick like yours.". How can you tell if a potato is not from Ireland? 'e went from pale to stout!" So check em out now. So the american guy bends over and leprechaun starts fucking him in the ass. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. Press Esc to cancel. Look up! Q: What was the leprechauns favorite cereal? Pat who? Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". Jokes They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. F*ck this, shouted Anto as he ran out of the room. 45+ Hilarious Jokes To Share On St. Patricks Day but liquor is not a pond and Im not a duck so tip your cup and lets get fucked up. Now this man was overjoyed as he was only farmer that barely got by. Q: Why cant leprechaun ever end a golf game? After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. St Patricks Day Bar Jokes After a short moment so that she could regain composure (becauseyou kn, A man walks into a bar on St. Paddy's day and gets tapped on the shoulder by a leprechaun. Why is a river rich? Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small-town bar. When he opens a stall he sees a little man in green suit. Have you seen all jokes? What's a leprechaun's favorite kind of music? What kind of spells do leprechauns use? The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does.". 60 Best St. Patricks Day Jokes for 2023 - Readers Digest Leprechaun Jokes - Joke Buddha Funny Irish Jokes That You Should Know Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. Q: Why was the leprechaun trying to find gamma rays? I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? ", A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a leprechaun? Any you want! Paddy brags, You know, Ive had every woman in this town. Jokes Made in USA with Irish parts.Watch the latest video from Sturdy (@thedirtyleprechaun). 17 Leprechaun-Approved St. Patricks Day Jokes for Kids - We He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. The little fellow is maybe three feet tall, wearing a green suit and hat, red hair and red beard and hung like a horse. WebThis time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. Sure, they're green with envy! Whats Irish and stays out all night? No posts match the widget criteria. Spam likes = blocked. To stop himself from falling into the stew. and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. Mother superior answers the door and is surprised to see two leprechauns, one looks older. Why do Irish bread bakers use baking soda? Q: Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold? the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife? When it's a FRENCH fry! and the little fela says no im just a Goblin! Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, Funny Penguin Jokes: 11 Best That Will Make You Laugh & More, Dead Birds Falling From Sky Are The Fallout From The Great Resignation. Never iron a four lover because you don't want to press your luck. With soda bread. After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. He splashes water on the, There's this farmer, his wife, daughter, and three sons. He's standing at the urinal and notices a very short guy at the urinal next to him. A leprechaun walks into a bar. Sturdy (@thedirtyleprechaun) | TikTok A: The Celtics. Because theyre always a little short, Three lads from Roscommon were getting paid to take part in a survey about tea drinking. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying two sheep in his arms. Web( Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes) Knock, knock Whos there? Leper Leper who? Lepon con and Im here to pinch you. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. A: Theyre really into green living. According to folklore, leprechauns spend their time as shoemakers who hide pots of gold at the end of rainbows. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. What do the Irish dream about? 2. You look a little differentyou have a giant round orange head. He said, well, its the craziest thing. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. ", The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! Why do we wear shamrocks on St. Patricks Day? An avid golfer hits his ball into the woods. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. Where do leprechauns live? The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. Police are calling it a misgnomer. The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don?t ya, you see me green suit don't ya, and is it not St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. The farmer accepted without blinking. He goes up to the urinal to piss as well and is He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. Read Later Add to Favourites Add to Collection Report. Q: Why do leprechauns wear shamrocks? So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? Paddy says: "see it works, we didn't pay did we?" For some reason the guy happens to glans over and sees this little guy has a huge cock. The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue? The farmer walks out one day and finds his only cow dead on the ground. So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes. He took a shortcut. 1 less drunk at the party A thousand welcomes when anyone comes A: They have green thumbs! Who's there? 'No,' said Mick. How many tunes should the bard play? So go ahead bend over for me Sonnie! To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke? A: Wee-cyclers. A: The Celtics. Nevertheless, we are masters of this. They worked up along one street and then down the other. Jagermeister has been discussed. He stares at them for a moment, then says, "Yes? The leprechaun says, "Bejesus, I'm in the wrong joke! "We are going into the next pub, order two pints, drink them and when it comes to paying you go down on your knees, unzip my trousers, pull the sausage out and start sucking on it" A rainbow 3. Q: Why did the leprechaun go out the door? A man went to a pub on St. Patrick's Day to have some drinks with his mates. ", The American says, " Ok! 81.7K Followers. One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. A: Because theyre green! Never the less the leprechaun says your loss and starts to walk away. Q: How can you spot a jealous shamrock? When Is The Best Time To Visit Ireland? The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. -Sammy Wilson. Yank goes to Ireland on vacation. As he starts drinking more and more, he has to release the valve and goes to the restroom. "If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won." So the Irish would never rule the world. Q: What do leprechauns yell when they first see an Irish shoreline? Paddy has an idea, he takes the 50 cents of Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Youre very clover! See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. This classy looking rolled/player walked to my counter with a gorgeous lady on his right arm, a younger looking woman on his left arm and a leprechaun on his shoulder. He's getting hammered in a pub, and goes to take a leak. The man answered " HEY!! Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. Our next hilarious Irish dirty joke is about an Irish couple. While you can share some meaningful St. Patrick's Day quotes or St. Patrick's Day Instagram captions on social media, you can also add some of these jokes to make sure the day is one that's full of laughter. Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun? WebLeprechaun: "Ahh, laddie, that's a pretty tall order. TOP 10 hilarious Irish dirty jokes (LAUGHTER GUARANTEED) Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. Whats the most obvious feature shared by a leprechaun and a sober Irishman? These funny leprechaun quotes might make you smile. The funniest sub on Reddit. The other lad filling them in. The English says WOW! So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft? The swingers there must be a misunderstanding 2. In lepre-condos. A: To get to the other side, Q: What do leprechauns leave out on their lawn all summer? Theyre both for me.. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); A Jolly Green Giant Raise your hand if you are 1% Irish today. The priest looks from the bottle to the heavens. A: In the dictionary. Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a pool? So that he will look forward to making the trip St. OClause! A stroke of good luck. St. Patrick's Day Ideas for an Extra Lucky Holiday, 62 Silly St. Patrick's Day Jokes That Give Dad Jokes a Run for Their Money, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. You'll never get me copper! A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. Warren anything green for St. Patrick's Day? Tony! he called. WebLeprechaun Jokes. A lepre-con! A: Irish soda bread. A: The Jolly Green Giant! And may trouble avoid you Wherever you go. How does every Irish joke start? What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover? Irish you a happy St. Patricks Day. 1. The bartender said, "What will you have Umbridge?". Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. WebDirty Irish Jokes 1. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". A Paddy-long-legs., What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? Irish Jokes-Rated R A: Shortstop. What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? He climbed out 4 times to take a piss.. A: A lepre-con. A: Theyre always a little short. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? I havent been feeling myself lately, replied Paddy. ", The Irishman goes, " Well ya see sonnie, im a leprechaun and I can grant ye three wishes! A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. Because hes always a little short. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); To every monastery in every county. "Oh it is me lucky day! What did one shamrock say to the other when it saw a leprechaun? Clover who? It Must Have Been Love (But It's Clover Now) by Sham-Roxette, Shamrock and Roll All Nite by KISS Me Im Irish, and Party on the Paddy-O by ZZ Green Top Hat. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" "If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy. Why is cubic zirconia popular on St. Patrick's Day? Manage Settings Mount & Do To sit on his paddy-o 2. Do you know what they call leprechaun pee? So this guy Jimmy is on a road trip home from college when he stops at a rest stop to relieve himself. Theyd rather jig than jog. Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! Lucky Charms! Aleperchaunspelledbackwards. They also had a milk cow and what a cow it was. The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! Did that happen to you? and the Irishman replies No, but it happened to my sister.. Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? A sham rock I wanna be rich! Q: What happened when the leprechaun fell into the river Shannon? What's the difference between a leprechaun and a jogging woman? ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? Because they have cotton balls. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); We may earn commission from links on this page, but we only recommend products we back. What are you after doing? replied his wife. Did you know that leprechauns principal occupation is making and cobbling shoes? What do you call a Leprechaun in a stand-up routine? The man grabs the leprechaun and says, "I got you, where's the gold? Irish Priest The whole feckin bed by the looks of it!, Prepare yourself for this next hilarious Irish dirty joke. A: He heard there might be leper cons. Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? asks his captor. The man drinks it down, and it refil. A: To stop himself from falling into the stew. These jokes are kid-friendly, but their groan-worthyyet undeniably sillypunchlines are guaranteed to make the adults giggle too. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. 80.53 % / 306 votes. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? A: Their brag-pipes. I can smell wine, Father, said the Garda. and the leprechaun says, "Done! Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? He took a shortcut! Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? you ever tried pushing one of these WebBelow, weve compiled a list of some of the most hilarious St. Pattys Day jokes, including leprechaun jokes, puns about Guinness, shamrocks, rainbows, Ireland, and all things All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Why are leprechauns hard to get along with? They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. Thats quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free. But this is a newsagents'. Gaelic breath.. Whats the story? asks Sean when he sees the look on Paddys face. Jade is a seasoned traveller, yoga enthusiast, adventure seeker and travel writer passionate about seeing the world and sharing hidden gems with others. So theyre perfect both for kids and adults. Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended? a St. Patrick's Day Parade (Sister Matic). He glanced down and saw that the dwarf was hung like a horse. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. "Tell that leprechaun that if he Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" Jade is currently on a campervan adventure around Europe, where she continues to get her travel and food inspiration. You cant do that, says the Irishman. 3. How did the Irish Jig get started? He walks up to the urinal next to it and starts doing his business, but while doing so cant help but notice that this leprechaun ha, So the Mother Superior of an Irish nunnery is sitting in her office when suddenly two Leprechauns walk through her door; one looking like he was walking off a bad hangover and the other looking like he's about to kill someone. Then a Leprechaun came out from behind a tree and stood before him. He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. A German, a Scandinavian, and a Leprechaun walk into a bar So no offence is taken. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?" Who's there? Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. A: Hes green with envy. Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. Paddy answers and replies, How would I know? What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? Weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone. "Whadda ya mean you don't have a tallywagger?" He picked it and spoke outloud "This must be me lucky day!" What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? A: Green tea. A: Real rocks are too heavy! In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. We have no leprechaun nuns in this convent.". They play their brag-pipes. This section is just for you. How on earth can the news get any worse. A: Theyre very short-tempered. Touch my Lucky Charms & I will choke your little Leprechaun He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here! Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves tongue! If you like this leprechaun joke, youll also like these funny. Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? Beer drinking Joke teller. Drink green beer on St Patricks Day! St. Patrick's Day Who told you that? asked Marty.. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. On the third hole (a long dogleg left par 4) he smashes his driver over the trap that guards the left corner of the dogleg. Q: What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? Someone bought shots. When its a French fry. 50 Best St Patricks Day Jokes . What do you call a fake Irish stone? Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. A glass of Guinness appears. Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? A rainbow. Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? It gave a lot of high grade milk and when theyd milk it theyd take it to make milk and cheese and take the excess to sell and. Q: Why do frogs like St. Patricks Day? What can I do for you?" "There is something sinister about putting a leprechaun in a workhouse. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her husba. WebThe undivided attention of a leprechaun. Well, you caught me, lassie! What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? Sure, youd be arrested for less!. How do you know if an Irishman is having fun? Q: What did the leprechaun order to drink at the Chinese restaurant? What do you say to the smartest person you know on St. Patricks Day? We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Connect with us on your favourite social media app. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. A: Hes Dublin over with laughter! Sure, they're great at shorthand! I met a leprechaun, and he gave me three wishes. I said, that. Regular rocks are too heavy. Because only a few of them could pass the bar., Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher in the national school in Westport? The little man in the green suit says, ', He was about to cross an old stone bridge when a small man jumped out from behind a rock. Where can you always find a shamrock? The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" None of these leprechaun one liners are dirty. ", until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office. "Shit! A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. Some poor horse is going barefoot! How do musicians show off on St. Patricks Day? A: He already had pot of gold, Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to prison? A: They refuse to leave the green. WebTop 10 hilarious Irish dirty jokes (laughter guaranteed) 1. The only thing they had that was worth anything was their old milk cow. WebThe leprechaun says, "I did that for you. WebBrilliant!. Knock, knock! Thats good, said Sean. I have to do 3 hours of sensitivity training. I'm in the wrong joke!". Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. Want to hear a funny yolk?. When Colm arrives at his ball, he sees a little red bearded man dressed in green lying unconscious with a large knot on, So an American college student goes to Ireland for St Patrick's Day. A man was at a club and after several drinks, of course he had to go to the bathroom. Another funny joke posted by Phillimac16, originally seen on Reddit. Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? What do you call a nomad with a lucky charm? Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? Its faster than Dublin the dough with yeast. What do you call a fake Irish stone? The man turned around and the leprechaun asks "how old are you?" Paddy goes into a Dublin florist and says he wants to buy a bunch of flowers for his girlfriend. Are you going to shear those sheep. ", The american goes, "Ok, for my second wish I wanna hot looking woman!" In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the back-room for a shag The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. It wasnt. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Q: What do you call leprechauns who collect cans and plastic? ", A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. Comedy Gold! Irish! You might end up pressing your luck. Whether you plan on incorporating St. Patricks Day crafts or activities, or even reading a St. Patricks Day book, we also think your students will Thats good says Paddy. What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland? Why don't women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day? And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. Q: What musical instrument do show-off leprechauns play on St. Patricks Day? Well, its certainly clear from these ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes that you cant take things too seriously in Ireland, and you most definitely shouldnt take any offence. Lepre-converse. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his willie right off, I will! he shouts. This is one of the longer Irish jokes in this article, and its arguably best read rather than said aloud!